(no subject)

SLOCUM, RI - The search for a cordless drill, missing for two months, was called off today when it was found safe, sound, and and still charged, sitting in plain view on a high shelf in a local man's attic. The owner had first reported the drill missing in early November. The man claimed to have searched that area several times without seeing the drill, and suggested that perhaps it had only just returned from going on a spree. He said he had heard rumors that in recent weeks numerous phillips head screws had been found mysteriously loosened around the neighborhood.

Local authorities discount the theory, saying that the fact that the drill was still charged when found is evidence that it was likely not, in fact, screwing around. Some neighbors allege that there have been rumors that the owner may be abusing his tools, and theorize the drill may have been simply hiding to escape. Authorities say that they are looking into the rumors, but that no charges are anticipated.